As the citizens of Coeur D Alene were peacefully protesting the death of George Floyd, and while the armed citizens of Coeur D Alene were quietly patrolling the streets of the city, Ben Wolfinger and Bob Norris were using shoe polish to paint their faces black. “I learned this from my Dad,” said Wolfinger. “Use a little shoe polish and the negroes can’t tell you apart.”

Bob Norris is the presumptive successor to Wolfinger after winning the Republican nomination for Kootenai County Sheriff. At first he seemed reluctant, but eventually he was happy to follow the lead of his Sensei Wolfinger. “There were a lot of black people in Los Angeles. Back in the 90’s we would just straight up beat them to death. Now that there’s body cameras that’s frowned upon. Thank God for Idaho where the natural order of things is still appreciated.”

After dressing themselves in black shoe polish, overalls, straw hats, and a piece of wheat hanging from their mouth, they made their way to the streets of Coeur D Alene. “We were looking for intel,” said Wolfinger. “We knew if we could look like them they would trust us.”

Norris made the first move. “I’m from ANTIFA and I’m here to help,” he told the sister of Tyler Rambo, the mixed race man brutally gunned down by Coeur d Alene police last year. Rambo’s sister immediately noticed that the color of his hands did not match the extremely dark color of his face. He also smelled like shoe polish.

Rambo’s sister smelled a rat. And a rat he was. Thinking quickly, she immediately yelled “This man is with ANTIFA and is trying to break into stores.” Instantly 8 armed bearded men in Hawaiian shirts came over to escort Norris away. “ANTIFA is not allowed in Idaho,” said the man. Norris was disappeared.

Wolfinger, who had been hanging back until then, scurried into the bushes to hide. As he was hiding his straw hat got caught on a bush. He had forgotten to put any shoe polish on his bald head. His shiny, white dome shined in the sunshine as BLM protestors approached him.

“Hi there. You look like you’ve fallen in the bushes and need help. Can we help you?” At first he declined, but eventually a couple protestors got him out of the bushes and gave him some water. “I’m just an African American man looking for justice for George Floyd,” said Wolfinger. With the bright white dome, the protesters knew this wasn’t true.

“Ah ha!” said Wolfinger, pulling out a gun. “You’re under arrest for disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and interracial marriage.”

The protestors laughed and gave Wolfinger a hug. It turned out he needed that. It had been a long few years of harassing the citizens of Kootenai County and he was tired. Tired of harassing minorities. Tired of imprisoning children. Tired of hating gays. Tired of imprisoning people for minor drug offenses, and tired of supporting Kim Edmondson. He was tired of it all.

As Wolfinger cried the shoe polish ran down his face. The people he had persecuted comforted him. “It will be OK Ben. There is forgiveness for you too.”