Citing Los Angeles’s livability and low crime rate, the Kootenai County Deputy Sheriff Association has endorsed former LA Sheriff Deputy Robert Norris for the next Kootenai County Sheriff.

According to Jeremy Hyle, the Association’s President and lover of Meth users, it was a no brainer. “The values of North Idaho and Southern California are very similar. Robert Norris has spent 35 years making the Los Angeles community the great place it is today and we want to bring his experience to North Idaho.”

Another Deputy at the meeting agreed. “Bob represents all that is great about Southern California – The low crime rate, the non-existent homeless population, and the diverse policing force. If Bob can bring 1/2 of this to Kootenai County we will truly be blessed.”

This isn’t the first time a famous LA lawman has made his way to the forests and lakes of North Idaho. In 1995, Mark Fuhrman, the LA Detective on the OJ Simpson case moved to Sandpoint. Mark Fuhrman famously botched the Simpson investigation with racial epithets and planting evidence at the crime scene.

“Just like Fuhrman, we would be lucky to have another LA Detective like Bob Norris here in Kootenai County.” said association member Will Klinkefus. “They are true American heroes.”

The Association also applauded Norris’s recent ability to avoid Kootenai County property tax. Last year, Norris admitted that he had been taking the Idaho Homeowner’s Tax Exemption, a tax break only for owner occupants, while he was actually living in Los Angeles.

“This is exactly the type of person we want running our department,” an Associate Deputy Member said.  “We call it thrifty, shifty, and nifty. They are the skills we use every day dealing with our citizens on the streets of Kootenai County. Deceit is a value that is held in high esteem in the LA Sheriff’s Office, and we value it here too.”

The Associations only disappointment was that John Green was not running this time around. “Although Norris’s tax avoidance is admirable, John’s was a work of art,” said another Member. “Gold Bars – Just genius.”

Current Sheriff Ben Wolfinger also seemed happy, albeit confused, with Norris’s endorsement. “Chuck Norris is a hell of a lawman. That karate shit is top notch. Those idiot dopeheads won’t see what hit em. Chuck will put a boot in their ass. It’s the American way.”

If successful in the election, this will be Norris’s 2nd six figure job. He is currently collecting about $110K per year in pension from the LA Sheriff’s office, and also got a one time disability payment for about $146,000.

“Beating up black people is hard” said an association member. “When you beat up black people your shoulder gets tired. I guess he just punched one too many of them and that’s why he’s on disability.”

When asked why the association didn’t endorse one of their own, current Deputy Kim Edmondson, Wolfinger stepped in. “We can’t have a matron as a Sheriff. What kind of question is that?”