This has been a scary year for the students of the Coeur D Alene School District. First there was the incident at Lake City High School where a student had intended to go target shooting after school and had a gun in his car. Then there was an incident at Coeur D Alene High School where a student who had been hunting accidentally left his hunting rifle in his truck. Then a few days ago there was another incident at CDA High School where a 15 year old student was arrested because he was overheard talking about school shootings. A scary year indeed.

Luckily, the Coeur D Alene Police, in cooperation with the Coeur D Alene School District have implemented a new department to keep our schools safe. “We’re calling it the Ministry of Love,” Lee White said in a statement. “We just love these students so much that we only want the best for them. The way we give them our best is by protecting them in every way we know how.”

“Here’s how the Ministry will work,” District Spokeman Scott Maben said in a statement. “The School District, in a joint partnership with the CDA Police, have purchased a program called ‘Gaggle.’ Gaggle is an innovative software program that is able to monitor all student activity. From Facebook, to Twitter, to texts, to notes passed back and forth between friends. We see it all. Gaggle then uses an algorithm to determine if the student is at risk to herself or others. For instance, if a student uses the word ‘starving’ in a text to their friend, we then know that the child is being deprived of food at home and we can call social services.”

We caught up with Lee White to see why he thought the program was necessary and to see how it’s working. “There is a lot of fear right now,” he said. “There have been 3 recent incidents at our high schools in which there was absolutely no danger to our students. However because we arrested these students, sent out press releases advertising the arrests, and then created felons out of regular kids, there is now a lot of fear and anxiety. Naturally, when students and parents are fearful they look to law enforcement for help. That’s why we’ve set up the Ministry and stepped up our monitoring of student behavior.”

White cited a recent incident where the new program worked exactly as it should, “Recently, Gaggle reported to the Ministry of Love a text sent between a boy and his best friend. The text included the words “bang” and “girlfriend.” Gaggle immediately recognized that this boy was thinking about using a gun on his girlfriend. We arrested the boy and charged him with a felony thoughtcrime.”

Along with AI programs such as Gaggle, CDA Schools are using their School Resource Officers to help prosecute thoughtcrimes. Nate Petersen at Lake City High School uses a very low tech method. Outside his door he has a sign that says “Having a bad day? Thinking about harming yourself or others? Come talk to me.” When a student takes him up on this invitation, he immediately arrests them.

The new program has some privacy advocates worried though. The ACLU of Idaho has been in contact with the District to warn them that the new Ministry sounds eerily similar to a dystopian authoritarian program from the book 1984. Libbi Barrett, Principal at Coeur D Alene High School, dismissed that claim. “When it comes to the safety of our students, there can be no compromises. The Ministry of Love is just that – loving, caring adults monitoring and restricting the free thought of students for their own safety.”

We wanted to see what students thought of the new program so we met with 2 Seniors at Coeur D Alene High School. They only agreed to talk to us anonymously at an undisclosed park bench. We’ll call them John and McKenzie. McKenzie seemed very concerned. “Last week at our Cross Country meet Mr. Rios tackled the person with the starting gun because he thought he was a threat. As he tackled him, his own gun went off and shot someone in the crowd. It seemed unnecessary.”

John agreed, “Mario came up to me last week and asked if I was having negative thoughts about other students. I told him no. He then forced me to come into his office and do a lie detector. During the lie detector he asked me questions like ‘Have you ever had a negative thought about a teacher’ and ‘Whose your favorite SRO?’ It was very uncomfortable.”

When asked if this felt eerily similar to 1984, they both said, “I wasn’t alive in 1984.” When I clarified I meant the book, they also seemed puzzled.

Libbi Barrett confirmed that the book is no longer taught at the school: “It was just too controversial. The book gave children the idea that they shouldn’t be monitored. Obviously we can’t have them thinking that. We love them too much.”

Spokesman Scott Maben agreed, “Free thought is secondary to safety. The results speak for themselves. No children have died at our schools this year due to our protective measures. If we have to imprison 10 innocent teens to save one life, than this is a win for the people of Coeur D Alene. Some people call it the School to Prison pipeline. I call it loving children.”