I was in the grocery store the other day and someone asked me how to spell hero. I said, “I don’t know about you, but I spell it ‘S-R-O’.” No, it doesn’t stand for Strength, Resilience, and Overly amazing, but it could. It stands for School Resource Officer, and boy does the Coeur D Alene School District and Coeur D Alene Police Department have some damn good ones.

Take the Lakes Middle School SRO which helped convict a child of murder. Nothing says “I love these kids” like taking a murder confession without a lawyer present, and sending a kid to a max-security prison in Orofino for life. When local SRO’s heard about the conviction of Eldon G. Samuel III, a middle school student in Coeur D Alene, they did a little celebrating:

But it doesn’t stop with trying 14 year olds as adults and putting them away for life. Nope! Mario Rios Jr of Coeur D Alene High School is helping support our local economy by promoting local vape and tobacco shops. At CDA High, Rios has setup the “Vape! Vape! Vacation!” promotion. It works like this. Students who vape at school can win a 3 day vacation from school. Here’s what Rios said in an interview with KHQ:

“get caught vaping because… you’re going to get some days off from school,”

Although this is a pilot program, Superintendent Steven Cook is trying to spread the program District wide:

We can’t tell you how much the support of local vape and tobacco shops means to us. Their support of district programs is unsurpassed. The “Vape! Vape! Vacation!” promotion is just one way we can thank them for their support. We hope to have the program District wide by the end of the year.

According to Rios, another side benefit of the Vape! Vape! Vacation! program is that it’s also a fundraiser for the local police department. This is because there’s a $74 entry fee for each student who enters. “Some people call it a citation, others call it extortion, we call it fun!” a CDA Police Spokesman said.

Fun indeed! Just look at local SRO’s celebrating the launch of the “Vape, Vape, Vacation!” program:

Despite the smashing success of “Vape! Vape! Vacation!” Rios doesn’t think of himself as a hero. He just thinks of himself as your children’s Dad:

Sometimes I feel like I am their parent during school hours. I have five boys of my own, so what’s another 1,400?”

Another local SRO agrees:

A lot of parents are really doing a shitty job. This is where we come in. We can take the place of a parent and really steer the child in the right direction. If he’s using drugs, we can correct that by taking him away from his education and incarcerate him. If he’s arrogant and violent, we can redirect him into a career in law enforcement. We really just want what’s best for these children since most parents don’t.

So the next time you’re around town and you see one of these kind folks, give them a hug. They are the true heroes. They’re the one parenting your children with the use of a handgun. They’re the one watching them make out with their boyfriend over the security cameras. They’re the one making the tough calls day in and day out. And when they say “I’m just an SRO,” you say “No, you are an H-E-R-O.”

Heroes indeed.