According to Ben Wolfinger, the Kootenai County Sheriff Department is in crisis. They hired 129 people last year, but lost 76 current employees. According to Big Ben they’ve lost “33% of our total staff.” (Editor’s Note: Wolfinger went to school in Idaho) The Wolf has a hunch why. “They’re all leaving for better pay. Well, 8 left for better pay. We didn’t ask the other 68 why they left.”

Well, this intrepid reporter did. I caught up with a few former Kootenai County Sheriff Deputies and here is what they said.

“I just got tired of them calling me Oriental,” said the one Asian American on the force. “Ben, would come in every day, slap me on the ass, and say ‘Never thought we’d have a Jap in Kootenai County after World War II, boy times have changed.”

The two women on the force had similar things to say, “He kept calling me his Matron, I didn’t like it so I got a better paying job at Shopko. At least there I get a real employee discount. Ben used to talk a lot about the 5 finger discount. I kept telling him that was about stealing but based on his hand placement I think he thought it meant something else.”

A few others left for moral or religious reasons. “I really just got tired of going out every day and pretending that the whole world was made of assholes,” one former Sargent said.  “Ben trained us to view the world as assholeville but in the end I was living in assholeville. One day I was in the mens bathroom with the Wolf and he was looking at himself in the mirror. He literally looked like a giant asshole. Turtlehead and all. That’s when I knew I had to quit.”

When asked about these claims from former deputies Wolfinger responded, “They say they’re leaving because they felt uncomfortable, hated their job, and generally wanted to kill themselves but I know it was about money. After all, I did exit interviews with all of them. I took out my gun, put a few in the chamber, and set it on my desk. I then asked them to give me constructive criticism. They all told me the job was perfect – they just wanted to earn 46 cents more an hour at the Coeur d Alene Police Department. This rang true to me.”

We then asked Wolfinger if such a small pay raise would lead someone to quit their job if they loved other aspects of it.  Wolfinger responded, “These guys loved their job. I know they did. I mean, who wouldn’t love driving around town harassing citizens and planting evidence. It’s better than fucking TV. Oh shit, did I say fucking? Putman isn’t going to like that. Can that be off the record? Starting over. These guys loved their job. I know they did. I mean, who wouldn’t love driving around town harassing citizens and planting evidence. It’s better than TV.”

Wolfinger says that even though they’ve left the force, he still treats the guys like they’re his own. “Sometimes I send the troops over there for a welfare check – You know, a how the hell ya doing? We go over one, two AM, guns drawn, sirens blaring. It’s a hell of a time. We just want them to know we still love them even if they’ve moved on with their life.”